Since this is the first Christmas that we will have had a cat in our house, I have been looking for tips on how to decorate our tree with as little fuss as possible from the overly curious cat.
If you are among the 60% of people who live in a house owned by a cat, then you will probably appreciate the following tips on Christmas tree decorating that I have compiled just for you.
The first thing you will need to do when decorating your tree is…
Please wait a second while I check my notes…
Okay, the first thing you’ll need to do is to go out and get a tree.
Please keep in mind that the perfect tree which you found at the tree lot will grow approximately one and a half to two feet in height during the drive home. In order to save the trouble of taking the tree in and out of your house two or three times, you may want to just go ahead and chop off two feet near the bottom of the tree right away. (the trunk of the tree, not your two feet.) That is unless you like your tree pushing against the ceiling causing the branches to turn down like a weeping willow.
Next, take your tree inside and place it in the tree stand and check that the tree is straight and not leaning too much toward either side. I can’t speak for everyone, but I personally hate a crooked Christmas tree.
Now, you will need the decorations. After you have gotten your lights and ornaments from the attic it’s time to begin putting them on the tree.
Remove the cat from the tree and straighten it again so that it isn’t leaning too much toward either side. (the tree, not the cat) Remove the decorations from the storage bin and begin with the lights. You’ll want to add them to the tree first. Always check that the wires aren’t frayed which can be a fire hazard. Plug the lights into the outlet and check for burned out bulbs that might need to be replaced. Place lights on the tree.
Remove cat from the storage bin and unwind him from the garland. The garland will be placed on the tree next. Begin at the top of the tree and work your way to the bottom, draping the garland over the branches while simultaneously smacking at the cat as you go.
Notice the smell of burning hair and attempt to locate the source. Unplug the lights and remove the cat from your back. Be extremely careful because his claws have dug in really deep. Make sure the cat’s fur has stopped smoking and that he is okay. Take cat to the kitchen and give him a bowl of milk.
Go back to the tree and check the damage to the lights. To prevent a fire hazard, put electrical tape around the place where the cat bit into the wire.
Next you will be adding the ornaments. Crawl around under the sofa and coffee table and gather up all the ornaments where the cat has scattered them. You’ll want to hang the ornaments on the tree evenly to create a balanced look.
Begin hanging the lighter smaller ornaments at the top of the tree, working your way down. Try to stop crying because the cat broke the one your kid made when he was in fourth grade. You can probably repair it with super glue. Or duct tape. Keep working your way toward the bottom of the tree until you have finished hanging all the ornaments.
Now it’s time to put the tree skirt around the bottom. Unroll the tree skirt from around the cat and place it under the tree (the tree skirt, not the cat) covering the trunk and making it look like a snow drift. Remove the cat’s claws from the tree skirt and rearrange it. Now that the tree is all decorated it’s time to place the brightly wrapped packages under it.
Step back and admire your handiwork. Pick up the squalling cat and pet him while you apologize for stepping on his tail.
If you placed your tree in front of a window, you’ll want to go outside and see how it looks from the street. This will probably be the most enjoyable part of all as you stand there looking through your window at the beautifully decorated tree and imagining what those passers by will have to say about it.
Watch in fascination as the cat smacks the angel from the top of the tree while swinging from the garland by one paw.
Go back inside and remove the cat from the tree, repair the damaged ornaments and rehang them. Have some hot apple cider, listen to some Christmas music on the stereo and bask in the spirit of the holiday season while shooing the cat away from the tree.
Relax and learn to enjoy the tree decorating thing. Chances are you’ll end up doing it eleventeen hundred times or more before the holidays are over — or until the cat gets bored with the tree –whichever comes first.
